my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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