I just pynch a tree in the face
no, he came in my armpit
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
