Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
