And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Randomize
