if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Randomize
