My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
