her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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