All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
