Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
