I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
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