her vagine was all disorganized.
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
