those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
