I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
