Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
