Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Randomize
