i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
