Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
I know her cup size but not her name....
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