ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
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