watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Randomize
