pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
you traded sex for a burrito?
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
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