i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
