she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
foreskin is a definite game changer
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Randomize
