Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize