Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
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