is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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