I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Randomize
