I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
