He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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