I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
