I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
