Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Randomize
