I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Randomize
