The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
i now understand why vodka
Randomize
