I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Randomize
