His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
