it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
I need a burrito and a hug.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Randomize
