Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
Your mouth is God's brothel.
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
