even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize
