Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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