I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Randomize
