he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
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