i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
