I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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