okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
