hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
I have so many feelings about this burrito
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
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