Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Randomize