By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Randomize
