i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
I enjoy the company of your penis
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
