I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Randomize
