If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
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