i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
