using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Randomize
