News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize