Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
