I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
Randomize
