the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
I think I just sharted jello shots
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