I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Randomize