I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
