Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
