did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Randomize
