I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
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