OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
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