you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
Lo siento on account of my penis...
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Randomize
