I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Randomize
