someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
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