they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Randomize
