so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Randomize
