the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize
