He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
