I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
