i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
