My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
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