Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
