just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize