Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
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