***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
I should be sponsored by Trojan
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Randomize
