She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
