I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
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