I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
