At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
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