one two three fourrrrnication!
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
